Since I left the Christian religion I have done a lot of hanging out with the disenfranchised, the disillusioned, the unbeliever, the backslider, the irreligious, the spiritual, the agnostic, and especially, the “Atheist”– and of all the groups that I have been spending my time with these six years, the one that I most clearly have grown to despise is “the Atheist.”
I want to be able to clearly lay out what it is that I hate Atheism but I cannot.
Oh it would be easy enough to sum it up by saying “I have never been to an Atheist gathering that didn’t feel like ‘Christian bashing hour’.” But that is not really a sufficient answer and, on the contrary, I give Atheist organizations a pass on this point because I realize how hard it is to be a minority philosophical position when it comes to matters of faith, or the lack of.
Consequently, I never tell anyone how much I hate, despise, and even loathe Atheism. Instead I explain that Atheism, for me, is inadequate. This is a bit of a problem because I cannot help but to be an Atheist most days of the week, and yes, this includes my Sundays, which increasingly features a trip to the Quaker meeting house. In fact, I am an Atheist, it’s that simple—but I didn’t choose this despicable disbelief, it chose me, grabbed hold of me and won’t let go.
In the Roman Catholic Tradition, this place that I find myself in might be called “The Dark Night of the Soul.” This is, of course, the title of the famous poem written by Saint John of the Cross, pictured above. He was a Spanish Christian mystic who lived and wrote in the 16th century. Not only is this poem considered to be among the best poems ever written in the Spanish language, it has also been deeply meaningful to millions upon millions of people struggling with the existence of God …
If I was at liberty to choose what I would be when it comes to belief in God, I would not choose Atheism. But what I have found is that when a person is really being honest with him or her selves, when they are being intellectually fearless (as it were), then matters of faith happen to them, and not the other way around. It would be no more possible for me to choose to be a Christian than it would be for me to choose to become another sex, or race, or species. All of the benefits that come with belief in God are therefore irrelevant to this stark, dreadful fact: I am an Atheist.
But I am happy with this miserable state because, as the late great Carl Sagan once said “It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. “ And I agree… it is far better to grasp reality as it is… in fact I demand this of myself: that I honestly deal with what is, that I don’t believe simple answers without evidence, that I don’t believe stories that are clearly fabrications of reality… that are outlandish myths which not are not only naturally impossible but are part of a collection of writings that has held humanity back, and continues to do so.
(to be continued)
Read a story of the bitter rift between old and new Atheists
1 response so far ↓
Tap // November 7, 2009 at 6:37 am
You most definitely are not “happy with this miserable state.” Your posts betray you searching. I think its quite interesting that you brought up St. John of the Cross. You’re half way there anyway, ask him to pray for you. I know your current “religion” (agnosticism), does not admit such a paradigm of prayer, talkless of asking a “dead” person to pray for you. But it wouldn’t hurt you any now, would it?
If its of no consequence then, the 2 minutes spent uttering a few words wouldn’t hurt the rest of your 24hrs now would it?
Hyperliteralist reading of the Bible is probably the reason why you’ve come to see everything as myth now, so there is point in me quoting Bible verses to you. I’ll be praying for you tonight though.